“Where we have strong emotions, we’re liable to fool ourselves.” – Carl Sagan
Emotional quotient (EQ) or emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, control, and evaluate emotions. To manage our own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate efficiently, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.
It helps us to build stronger relationships, succeed at work and school, and achieve our personal goals. It can also help us connect with our feelings, turn intention into action, and make informed decisions about what matters to us the most.
Emotional quotient or intelligence is commonly defined by four attributes:
- Self-management: the ability to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, keep commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.
- Self-awareness: understanding our own emotions and how they affect our thoughts and actions, to know our strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.
- Social awareness: to have empathy, one must understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people; pick up on emotional cues; feel comfortable socially; and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.
- Relationship management: to know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team and manage conflict.
How are our emotions shaped?
It all begins in the family, where children learn patterns of behavior and ways to manage emotions. In general, children copy their parents’ behaviors.
Dr. Sunil Raheja (an experienced consultant psychiatrist based in London) said that “our family influences our behavior in tremendous ways.”
We learn so much about how we interact with the world and ourselves. Family relationships cast long shadows, especially when we are young, and it goes very deep into our psyche.
Young children are like sponges; they learn so much from their parents and caregivers, and there are many ways it can affect them as they grow up:
- Physical health: Many studies have shown that positive relationships with relatives lead to more positive habits later in life, such as taking better care of ourselves and making healthy food choices.
In contrast, negative relationships that cause stress can lead to unhealthy eating habits and poor physical self-care.
- Mental health: A strong and positive family support system from a young age can lead to better mental health when we are adults.
As children, we need to feel loved and supported, which can give us a sense of purpose in our lives as we grow and enter adulthood. Without this, we tend to grow up vulnerable to developing mental health disorders.
- Emotional health: Having positive sibling relationships can teach us how to interact and build friendships with other children of different ages.
It also teaches us how to share and build empathy. However, problematic sibling relationships, such as rivalry or competition for a parent’s love, can have a negative impact on us later in life.
“Emotions are never wrong. They are there to support us.”
Why is emotional intelligence so important?
As we know, it’s not the smartest people who are the most successful or the most fulfilled in life. We all probably know people who are academically brilliant but yet socially inept and unsuccessful at work or in their personal relationships. Your intelligence quotient or intellectual ability alone will not bring you happiness or fulfilment in life. Yes, our intelligence quotient can help us get into a good college, but it’s our emotional quotient that will help us manage the stress and emotions when facing our final exams. Intelligence quotient and emotional quotient exist in tandem and are most effective when they build off one another.
Emotionally intelligent people generally have the following qualities:
- are able to accept criticism and take responsibility,
- are able to move on after making a mistake,
- are able to say no when they need to,
- are able to share their feelings with others,
- are able to solve problems in ways that work for everyone,
- have empathy for other people,
- have great listening skills,
- knowing why they do the things they do,
- not being judgemental of others.
Ways to develop emotional intelligence:
- Recognize and label your emotions: Recognizing and labelling your emotions can help you decide how to react to different situations. If someone upsets you, don’t jump to conclusions. Instead, allow yourself to look at the situation in a variety of ways.
- Practice empathy: Practice focusing on others and walking in their shoes, even if it’s just for a moment. Empathetic statements do not excuse unacceptable behavior, but they remind you that everyone has their own issues.
- Recognize your stressors: Determine what stresses you out and take proactive steps to reduce their presence in your life. If you know that checking your work email before bed will send you into a tailspin, leave it for the morning.
- Be mindful of your vocabulary: focus on becoming a stronger communicator in the workplace. Emotionally intelligent people tend to use more specific words that can help communicate deficiencies, and then they immediately work to address them.
- Recover from adversity: Everyone faces difficulties. It’s how you react to these challenges that either sets you up for success or puts you on track for full-on meltdown mode. You already know that positive thinking will take you far. To help you bounce back from adversity, practice optimism instead of complaining.
Here’s what Emotional intelligence expert says-
