If you feel mentally and physically drained then it’s high time to get out of such a relationship. Abuse can be physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, etc. Cyclic Pattern of Trauma Bond isn’t love!
Unable to leave someone you’re emotionally attached to? Has the bond become so miserable that you’ve started feeling paranoid? Started feeling such intense emotions you’re unable to convey not just to people but yourself?
Cyclic Pattern of Trauma Bond Insights
This sums up the idea of a Trauma Bond, which is not normal. It occurs when a person experiencing abuse develops an unhealthy attachment to their abuser. In most cases, the victim knows something is not right about the relationship but is afraid of taking action.
After gathering all their strength, when a victim finally wants to leave the relationship, the abuser somehow manipulates the person in such a way that the victim ends up staying in the toxic bond. The more the person stays, the more difficult it becomes to leave the relationship.
It creates a circular pattern of abuse. Both become dependent on one another. The victim is unable to let go as they need love and support, which they feel their abuser could provide because once they did.
Abusers often feel they share an identity with their victim and do not want their life to be separate from them. They will use isolation, threats, and emotional torture to keep their victim from leaving the bond.
The whole problem lies in not recognizing the pattern or being in dark even after recognizing because of the fear of taking action against such abusers.
It’s important to realize the importance of love in a human’s life. It is the sole reason for the existence of humans. There is no life without bonds, connections and love.
But we need to understand, there’s a very thin line that could take us from a healthy bond to a traumatic one. We need healthy relationships for better mental and physical being and should not let the need for love gets fulfilled through unhealthy means.
Such bonds can occur in a family system, religious groups, workplace, etc. But are mostly associated with toxic romantic relationships.
Trauma bonding is more than just an emotional attachment as the biological mechanisms at work make these attachments even stronger.
Early experiences shape the way we connect or attach with others. If we develop unhealthy attachment styles at an early age, these patterns can repeat over and over again in other relationships creating a process of revictimization and relationship dysfunction.
In Alia Bhatt starrer film, “Darlings” the director Jasmeet K. Reen has meticulously shown such a bond between a couple.
Unhealthy and Cyclic Pattern of Trauma Bond may involve:
- Intimidation
- Denial, Minimization and Blaming
- Mistrust, Poor boundaries, Threats and Coercion
- Isolation from family and friends
- Emotional or Physical abuse
- Cheating, Lying, Vulnerability
- Keeping the other person in dark
Healthy and loving relationships Cyclic Pattern of Trauma Bond involve:
- Secure and safe bond emotionally and physically
- Mutual respect towards each other
- Trust, honesty, loyalty
- Accountability and responsibility for one’s actions
- Communicative and willing to work through problems
- Acceptable towards each other
“Recovering from Trauma Bonding is not difficult, Breaking from one is.”
We often return to the abuser with hopes of them changing and are rewarded with a high level of oxytocin and dopamine which further bonds us to the abuser. The most difficult step is to break the chain and give up the relationship. But once you do, it will all be worth it. Might take a few months but eventually, you’ll feel freedom instead of loss or emptiness.
- The first step lies in acknowledging that you’re in one.
- “To see it for what it is”, rather than being blindfolded
- Talk to a therapist or a person you trust
- Meditate and spend time with yourself
- Pick up a new hobby, read a good book
- Surround yourself with people who can be of help and are close.
Nothing is as important as one’s mental, physical, and emotional being. It’s pointless to be with toxic people and drain out one’s energy. No number of years could perfect a toxic relationship. Therefore, advisable to invest our emotions in people who value them and brings out the best in us.
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