Relationship is a glorified gesture of love, trust, kindness, empathy and care you show someone you call a partner or a friend, for an extended time. These relationships can be romantic, familial and platonic, and by nature they contend a massive influence on our lives.
The thumb rule to make any kind of relationship work is proper communication between the people involved. A relationship is a treaty where you pledge your loyalty and time to each other.
The thought exchange takes place and slowly you start building trust in each other. People start opening up about things they didn’t before as the fear of judgment starts fading away slowly.
The mantra to any long-lasting relationship is giving space to each other. If you know when to stop speaking, and when to start listening in a conversation, you will learn the art of cherishing bonds with your loved ones. One must realise that the foundation of any friendship or relationship can become strong only if two-way communication is taking place.
Once you lose sight of this simple parameter, you’ll drain away your energies and it’s only about time when you start to feel mentally exhausted and wasted.
Relationship- A Cause to Save you and Wreck you
We rely on our friends and family in difficult times because we know they will be there to support us. You must have seen people boasting about their partners and friends for being big on emotional support. That’s not a bad thing and we all must care and help our kith and kin to get through the rough patches in their lives.
One must realise that it’s not on others to save you from your bad day. Relationships are not meant to save you from life problems but they are meant to save you from your inner demons and reinstate your self-esteem in yourself.
Do not hold your friends responsible for curing you out of your respective mental state. They cannot be on your beck and call 24×7. You must be as strong as an oak and look after yourself. Depending upon someone to fix you so that you can make a way out of the cage of sorrow is not going to be a solid solution to your problems.
Seek an expert or a professional for help and you’ll not have to put the weight of your concerns on them and compromise your bonds.
You make bonds to create memories and good times, so remember that and make sure you are not burdening your friend or companion with minute-to-minute complaints about your life. You do not want to make others feel dragged and left out in conversations.
However, we must be certain and absolute about the ‘behind the scenes’ aka the efforts essential to develop these fruitful bonds. We are not here to scare you but to help you navigate around the energy, time and thought map that is needed for building healthy relationships.
“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you” -Elbert Hubbard
We depend on our friends emotionally and we often expect them to hear us out when we need to vent about things that went wrong. ‘My friend is always there for me to lend an ear’, people often acknowledge, but are you there for your listener friend when he needs you?
Below I am sharing some tips on how being mindful can help you foster strong relationships in your life:
Let your friend/partner go first
Before starting your rant session, ask your listener friend about his/her day. Don’t forget to ask if he/she is in the mind space to listen. Yes, you are in a relationship/friendship, but setting healthy boundaries with your partner or friend would cost nothing. It will only make them feel included in the conversation.
Do not make everything about yourself
Talking about oneself can come to many of us naturally. If you are an extrovert then even more so. However, I am not scoring who’s better at bragging or venting.
When we talk about our bad day, we often lose sight of the time and energy we are putting into talking about something that happened that was bad.
Talking about bad things can only lead to positive results when you are looking for positive solutions.
If all you do is complain about your boss every day with your friend, then not only are you sucking the energies out of him but also compromising with both of your mental health.
So if you are holding a conversation that screams phrases like ‘I hate him?’ or ‘Why is she so selfish?’, make sure you are ending these conversations on a positive note otherwise the chat which was meant to make you feel better will leave you feeling exhausted and in a negative space of mind.
Positive questions lead to Positive Solutions
Lamenting over past mistakes and making your companion a part of the process can severely jeopardize your relationship with them. Instead of asking ‘Why did my project not get approval?’, ‘How else can I make this project work?’
Asking good questions will not only help you reach a solution faster but will also help you win brownie points with your partner. Emotional Intelligence is an attractive trait one must possess.
Spotting People who are wrecking you
Repetition
If you observe that a person is going in cycles about himself and his day at work without leaving any space for you to participate in the conversation. Know that it has become a one-way relationship.
They don’t value your time
If your friend calls you frequently and at odd hours. You need to make sure you set healthy boundaries. Replying to their texts on time is a good habit but if you’re busy with something personal. Do not pressure yourself and reply instantly. That way you’ll be able to take care of your time and health as well.
They blame you when you try to give them objective advice
People who play victim games don’t like to entertain reasons and logic. If you are someone who’s trying to assess their situation objectively and explain to them where they went wrong. You could be setting up yourself for some real trouble.
You dread spending time with them
Do you feel their relentless and timeless ranting sessions wear you out? You feel that all your energy and spirit is spent listening to them. They often talk negatively about people and situations and make excuses when confronted. Steer clear of such behaviours of your partner and friend and do not sacrifice your morals and mental health for them.
Advise them to seek professional help if you see them struggling with their health and are showing signs of depression. Be there but do not give up on your own wellbeing.
